


For my son

by Aditu



Series: Always [4]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-30
Updated: 2017-05-30
Packaged: 2018-11-06 19:09:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11042457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aditu/pseuds/Aditu
Summary: Could there have been a way for Lily and Severus to be together and to be happy ever after? What if things had gone differently right at the beginning? These series are strories, which center around possible paths their life could have taken.





	For my son

**Author's Note:**

> another sad one... I hope the next will be better again

As soon as Lily saw Severus, she tried to attract as little attention as possible. She didn’t want to talk to him and so she tried to sneak past him. She should’ve known that it wouldn’t work. She also should’ve known that her disguise would never fool him.

“Lily!” Though he called her name, she ignored it and continued down Diagon Alley. Of course that didn’t deter him. When he grabbed her arm and pulled her to a stop, she had no choice but to face him. She didn’t have to be happy about it, though.

“Lily, Lil, how wonderful to see you! It’s been ages!” Severus smiled at her, clearly delighted to see her.

Lily Potter pursed her mouth, not so sure what to say. She didn’t think it was wonderful at all that she had met him, quite the opposite. But she wasn’t sure if she could be so rude and tell him that.

He released his grip on her arm and continued. “How have you been all this time? I wanted to send you an owl with congratulations to your wedding but I wasn’t sure it was appropriate. I hope you are happy in your marriage? I’ve seen a few articles in the newspapers about you and Potter.” He stopped and frowned at her. “Is everything all right?”

Wow, so he had picked up on the fact that she hadn’t said one word to him till now and that she looked anything but happy. She had even moved a step backwards as soon as he had taken his hand from her arm.

“Lily? What is wrong?”

She couldn’t put what bothered her into nice words. But she really didn’t want to talk with Severus. And so, though she hated to be this blunt, she told him what was wrong: “I don’t want to talk with you. I don’t want to be near you. I know what you are and it disgusts me.”

For a moment, these words stunned him and Lily used this time to turn around and continue walking. It hadn’t been enough because a few moments later he grabbed her arm again. “Lily, wait. Let me explain it? Please!”

“I don’t want to hear your flimsy excuse for your stupid choice. You are pathetic.” She pulled her arm from his grasp. “Don’t ever touch me again, you filthy scum. Or you’ll regret it.”

“Lily, I’m sorry. I beg you!”

She was already turned away again, but these words made her stop. Because Severus Snape didn’t beg. Never ever. Not even when James and Sirius had mocked him, when they had ganged up against him. Or when Lily had been his only friend and he had wanted her to spent time with him.

Lily caved in to him. Damn, she had never been able to refuse him anything when he asked. Severus so very seldom asked for anything and she always knew that when he did so, it was important. And to hear him beg now… She sighed. “Okay, but not here. I don’t want to be seen with you. You can meet me at 3 o’clock in this muggle café, the one you know, at the corner of the street.” Without another word or another glance she walked away. It hurt, to see him again.

They had been friends as kids, best friends. Then, they had been sorted into different houses in school. At the beginning, it had been no problem, but the Griffindors had taken up more and more of her time and when she had begun to show interest in boys, Severus had already been more an acquaintance than a friend. Even that had stopped, rather abruptly, after she had gone on her first date with James Potter. That had been the day Severus Snape had distanced himself from her. Lily had been hurt by it, then, hadn’t been able to understand why he would do such a thing. They had been friends! It shouldn’t have mattered whom she dated. But obviously it had, their friendship not strong enough. Lily had accepted the distance Severus had created between them. She had tried once to talk to him but he had blocked her off. Lily had been angry at her friend and hadn’t tried again. She had ignored him the same way he had ignored her. And so, in their last year at school, their friendship had completely vanished. Just like that.

On some days, Lily missed Severus. Now, a few years later, she understood why he had put this distance between them. She understood now that he had hated James with a vengeance and didn’t want to have anything to do with him. But they could have stayed friends, nonetheless. Lily would have spent time with Severus without James being around. He had been her friend and she would’ve found a way to remain friends. Only, Severus hadn’t wanted to. Maybe he had hated her a little, too, for going out with his enemy from school. She couldn’t be sure.

But it all didn’t explain why he had joined the Death Eaters. And she _knew_ that he had. He had sworn his loyalty, probably his life, _everything_ , to the Dark Lord, Voldemort. A wizard, Lily and James wanted to stop. Not that they were the only ones. The Dark Lord was evil, and this was a word Lily didn’t use thoughtlessly. And Severus had pledged his allegiance to him!

Lily shuddered. How could he have done such a thing? She realized that she did want to know why he had made this choice. Because she couldn’t understand it, couldn’t understand how her best friend could have done something like that.

And so she was sitting in this muggle café, waiting for Severus, waiting for him to explain to her why he had made this horrible choice.

He didn’t smile as he sat down in across of her, didn’t say anything at all for long moments. The waitress came and Lily ordered a pot of tea with two cups. It didn’t seem as if Severus would order anything, the way he was staring at the table in front of him. The waitress smiled at Lily, her smile saying something like ‘I’m sorry you have to sit here with this idiot’.

“I missed you so much, I really thought I would die from the pain it caused me.” Severus voice was low as he started to talk. He rubbed over his chest with the palm of one hand and continued to stare at the table. “Every time I saw you with James, every time you didn’t look at me, I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t move. It hurt so much, I never believed it possible to feel like that without having an actual injury. And for weeks, it wouldn’t go away. I was more dead than alive, more like a walking corpse than anything else. And I suspect the Dark Lord sensed it somehow.” Lily had to lean forward to understand him now. “I… he asked me to join him and he promised me a new purpose in my life. I had been floating, without a cause to live, and he promised me a purpose. To keep going, to actually do something besides sitting around and staring at nothing. He didn’t promise me things like my pain would vanish or I’d feel better or such stuff I wouldn’t have believed anyway. But the prospect of having a reason to live, it was enough. Because there was nothing after I lost you. I thought it was worth a try, because it couldn’t have gotten any worse in my opinion.”

Severus took a deep breath. “And it worked. After I had pledged myself to the Dark Lord, my life belonged to him. So I wasn’t allowed to waste it anymore. It was almost instantly and it was so freeing, I remember how good it had felt. I still missed you but now there was something else, something I could do, someone I could live for. I think the Dark Lord saved my life when he asked me to become one of his Death Eaters. I don’t think I would’ve been able to keep going much longer without you.”

For the first time since he had started speaking, he looked up through is dark hair. It had grown longer, the strands hiding parts of his face and now his eyes, too. “I know that this decision I made disappoints you and I’m sorry for it.”

Lily was speechless for a few moments. She hadn’t known that Severus had felt like that, hadn’t known how lonely he had been without her. The thought that he could have ended his life because he had missed her that much, because he wouldn’t have been able to live without her, it was a shock. If she had known, she’d have never ignored him like that. Emotions battled inside her body. On one side, she was grateful that he had found a way to live on, to get over her, but on the other side: it was the Dark Lord! Should she now be grateful towards him for saving Severus? That was something she couldn’t be. Because he hadn’t done it for Severus, he had done it for himself. Evil, egoistic wizard.

Severus seemed to wait for an answer, for a reaction from her, but Lily could only stare at the man in front of her. There was still so much from the boy he had been in him and she had missed him and she just didn’t know what to do, to feel, how to react.

With a sigh, he looked at the teacup in front of him. Then he downed the liquid and stood up. “I had hoped you would understand me and maybe…” Another sigh. “Thank you for your time, though.” He hesitated as if he wanted to say something more, but then simply turned around and left.

Lily opened her mouth to call him back but didn’t. Because: what would she say? Did she understand him now? Maybe, definitely better than before, but that alone would change nothing. He was still a Death Eater and she still wanted only to kill the Dark Lord. They were on completely opposite sides in this war and understanding alone didn’t make them allies. Or friends. So she watched Severus leave the café and then walk down the street. Away from her. And before her mind could catch up with everything he had said, with everything her body was feeling, she burst into tears. In the middle of the café full of muggles, who were now probably all staring at her.

The waitress came over and patted her on the back. “Now, now, no reason to cry, honey. I’m sure he’ll come to his senses and come back to you. They always do, you know?” She stroked over Lily’s hair, her voice and her touch soothing, but Lily couldn’t stop crying. She didn’t really know why, it wasn’t as if she had lost Severus or something. They hadn’t been friends for a long time and it shouldn’t affect her that he had walked away now. Especially since it was her fault, she could’ve called him back, could’ve said something, anything. But she hadn’t. And now he was gone. Again.

After disappearing for a moment, the waitress came back with a pack of tissues. “You are not the first one who has a breakup here.” She handed Lily the tissues. “Now stop crying, a man is never worth your tears.” Her smile was so sweet that Lily took a deep breath and tried to calm down. They didn’t have a breakup but maybe it was near enough to the truth. She took the tissues and dried her eyes with shaking hands.

“Do you want me to get you a nice piece of chocolate cake? Chocolate always helps when one is sad.”

Lily nodded and only a moment later a huge piece of cake stood in front of her. She dug into it and, as promised, her sadness faded. Not completely, it was still a dull ache through her whole body, but it was a _dull_ ache now. The cake was delicious and the waitress smiled widely when Lily told her. She started to tend the other guest again, leaving Lily alone at the table. The others seemed to be sympathetic, no one complaining about having to wait. After she had finished the cake and the tea, she thanked the waitress again before giving her a huge tip.

On her way home, she decided to walk to get her head clear, she thought about everything Severus had said. And she realized that the fact that he was a Death Eater didn’t disturb or disgust her like before. She had almost hated him when she had heard about it, but now… She was only sad. Because there were two things that had led to him becoming a Death Eater: her dating James and then her not trying harder to keep Severus as her friend. She hadn’t understood why he had pushed her away like that, then. But now she realized that it had only been in defence. And she had acted so stupid, _ignoring_ him. Her best friend!

A new tear rolled down her cheek. They had been so young and she had been so blind. So stupid. So naïve. It was as much her fault that he was with the Dark Lord now than it was his. Minimum.

When she opened the door, she was relieved that James wasn’t home yet. She didn’t want to tell him about Severus, not that she had seen him, or met him, or what he had told her. James would probably make a mockery out of everything and she didn’t want anything of it diminished by her husband. He held absolutely no regard for Severus. None.

Lily took the time to put herself in order and when James arrived, he didn’t notice how her eyes were still a little red or how her thoughts weren’t fully present. Everything was as always. He talked about his day, about his friends, about this and that. Lily listened with half an ear while she pondered what to do with her newfound information about Severus. She didn’t come to any conclusion.

It wasn’t until a few days later that something in her shifted. James had invited his friends over, Sirius, Remus and Peter. They were sitting on the couch, talking and laughing. Lily was in the kitchen, making tea and putting cookies on a plate. When she walked into the room, James said something that made the others laugh. Lily hadn’t been able to make out all the words, but what she had heard were ‘Snape’ and ‘pathetic’. She stopped.

“Do you remember how he refused to say ‘please’? He was such a slimy Slytherin.”

They laughed again, one after the other telling some story about Severus and what they had done to him. Lily stood in the doorway, frozen in shock. Of course she had known that they had gone after Severus in school, but she had never known how often, or how bad it had been. And from what they were telling, it had been _really_ bad. No wonder Severus hadn’t wanted to talk to her after her first date with James. He had probably felt betrayed by the fact that his best friend was now friends with his worst enemy.

And suddenly everything that had happened after her first date with James Potter didn’t matter anymore. It didn’t matter that Severus hadn’t talked to her, that he had ignored her just as she had done with him. It didn’t matter that they had stopped being friends, that he hadn’t been able to accept her relationship with another. It didn’t matter that Severus Snape was a Death Eater!

Lily was drowning in her emotions. There was anger at James, and shame at her behaviour towards Severus. And shock about how bad the whole situation had been. Confusion, because how had she been so blind as not to see it? Not to understand it?

Without even looking at the four men on the couch, she put the tray with the tea and the cookies down and headed into her bedroom. She sat down at the table there and started to write a letter.

 

_Dear Severus_

_I am so sorry for everything I did. And for the things I didn’t do. I would say I was too young to understand it all but maybe I just didn’t want to. Maybe I was afraid, I don’t know. I’m also sorry for at the café, I was too overwhelmed by everything you told me. I never wanted to hurt you! Can we please meet again? Same place tomorrow? I’m sorry._

_Your Lily_

 

With the letter in her hand, Lily hesitated for a moment. Then she went in search for their owl. She found the beast sleeping in the living room. Of course she had to listen to James bragging about some other thing he did in school while she fetched the owl. The only good thing was that the men completely ignored her. They had eaten all the cookies though, and Lily had only been gone for a few minutes. Typical.

The owl flapped its wings and Lily followed it with her eyes until it was too far away. Still she kept standing at the open window, staring at the grey sky, until she was shivering from the cold outside.

No answer arrived, the owl coming back empty-handed (or footed). Lily was skittish and when James snapped at her (she had hissed at him though he had only asked a question) she apologized and went to bed early. She didn’t sleep well and even when James wrapped his arms around her, which normally always made her feel relaxed and content, she wasn’t able to calm down.

The hours took forever to pass and Severus still hadn’t sent an answer. Didn’t he get the letter? Or was he too angry at Lily to write her back? James had left the house early and Lily was grateful that he didn’t see her in her current state. If she looked like she felt, she’d be an utter mess.

Lily decided, answer or not, to go to the café. She was nervous, wasn’t sure what she wanted to say to Severus except that she wanted to apologize to him in person. She shouldn’t have been so worried.

When she entered the café, Severus was already there, sitting at the same table, a pot tea with two cups in front of him. He ignored the narrow-eyed looks the waitress sent his way and as soon as he saw Lily, he smiled full force. He stood up and came towards her. “Lily! I was so happy about the letter!” He made a move as if to hug her, then seemed to think better of it and simply held his hand out to take her jacket.

They sat down and the words tumbled out of Lily’s mouth: “I’m so sorry! Severus, I didn’t know how bad it was for you in school and I… what you told me, I can understand it, and it…” Tears sprang into her eyes because it was all a mess. He and her, technically enemies now, friends then, and all that had happened in-between. All that had led to them being who they were now. And she felt as if simply saying ‘sorry’ wasn’t enough.

“Lily.” Severus reached out and took her hand. His voice was low, his tone serious. “It’s okay. I appreciate that you apologized to me but there is no reason for you to cry. Everything is fine. I’m fine.”

“No, it’s not. Nothing is fine.” A single tear ran down her cheek. Nothing was fine. She had made a mistake, had lost her best friend and now it was too late to change anything about it. Because he was a Death Eater! Suddenly she missed their time in school, when they had met by the lake or in an empty room and had just been together. Severus had always been awfully quite but his presence had calmed her, centred her, no matter what had happened or how upset she had been about something. He had been her safe place. Something she had lost after her first date with James. She hadn’t really realized it until this moment, when he held her hand and she felt this calm settle over her.

Because though nothing was fine, she began to feel better. Her nervousness had already started to fade the moment Severus had smiled at her.

“Hey arsehole!” The waitress stopped next to Lily and, her hands on her hips, glared at Severus. “Don’t you think making her cry the last time was enough? Stop it, or I’ll kick you out.”

Severus look then was priceless. But before he could say anything (in the worst case insult the waitress who had been so friendly to Lily the day before) Lily wiped her eyes and smiled at the muggle woman. “It’s okay. He didn’t do anything wrong. He’s good.”

“You sure, honey?” She didn’t sound convinced but when Lily nodded, she walked away. Not before she shot another narrow-eyed look at Severus.

“What was that about?” He was clearly confused, a mix between being offended and amused.

Lily shrugged. “She was nice to me the last time, thought you had broken up with me.” She shrugged again. “She brought me chocolate cake.”

That made Severus smile. He released her hand and leaned back in his chair. “Okay, so now she thinks I’m the villain here. Though you didn’t talk to me after all I confessed to you.” He raised his eyebrows and his gaze was so focused on Lily, she blushed.

“Yeah, well, I already said I’m sorry for that. It was just so much, and I have to admit, I never really thought why you did what you did. I was just angry at you.”

“That’s why I wanted to talk to you. I’m sorry, too. For everything.”

They shared a smile then and Lily felt at peace. They drank their tea and talked some more, trying desperately to stay with safe topics. It was all too knew for Lily, sitting here with Severus, her former best friend, and she didn’t want to destroy the easy atmosphere by addressing a precarious subject.

Before they left the café, they agreed on meeting here once a week. Severus told her that he couldn’t write her any letters. It was too dangerous for her. If someone found out about them writing, or even seeing each other, their lives would be at risk. So they arranged day and time for their next meeting and then they left. Not together.

Lily just wanted to go, when Severus stopped her with a hand on her shoulder. He hesitated for a second and then he hugged her. “I missed you.” The words were only a whisper but Lily hugged him tighter. “I missed you, too.”

Then she left.

 

 

Over the next weeks, Lily and Severus met again and again, sometimes even two times a week, depending on how much Severus had to do. Of course he never told her _what_ he had to do, only that he had to do something. It was okay, Lily told herself. But deep inside, she didn’t like it one bit. Of course she knew that Severus couldn’t simply leave the Dark Lord’s services, so there was nothing to do.

Severus had changed quite a lot from the boy he had been. He was confident now and not as shy. He was still quiet, on some days more than on others, but that was okay. Lily was able to talk for both of them on those days. He smiled a lot at her but she suspected that he never smiled at others. That was something that hadn’t changed because in school he had only smiled for her, too.

Their time together was wonderful. Though they only met in the café and never left the building, those were Lily’s favourite hours every week. Not that her time with James wasn’t nice but with Severus she felt safe and content in a way she never did with James. With her husband it was more about excitement and activity.

About a year passed without any change.

Then Lily got pregnant. She was so very happy, was glowing with joy, and James was happy, too. Lily told Severus and she could see the shock on his face before he forced himself to smile and congratulate her. She had known that he wouldn’t be really happy, the enmity between him and James not having changed (Lily still hadn’t told her husband that she was meeting Severus on a regular basis – or at all). But then, before they left, he placed his hand on her stomach as he hugged her. “I’m happy for you. I just wish it was my child.”

Severus had begun to do that, to always whisper something to her before they parted. Things he couldn’t tell her while looking at her, feelings or secrets. Sometimes it were sweet things, like “You look gorgeous today” or “I always feel better after we met” or “I’m glad we are friends again”. Lily often laughed, delighted by his words and said something nice to him, too. But sometimes Lily didn’t know what to reply, like the time he had told her “The Dark Lord made me kill someone. I wish I could leave but there is no safe place for a rogue Death Eater.” Then she simply hugged him tighter, not letting go before he loosened his grip on her. It could take several minutes but if it gave him comfort, she’d hug him forever.

She didn’t know what to say today, too. Because, what could she? When he released her, he was frowning. “I’m sorry, that was a stupid thing to say.”

“Severus, you can say whatever you want! Whatever is on your mind. It’s okay. We are friends.” And to emphasise those words, she hugged him again. “If those are your feelings, it’s okay, you can tell me. You can tell me everything.”

“Oh Lily, thank you so much.“

She thought he wanted to say something more, but maybe one confession per meeting was enough.

 

 

Lily felt great. Of course there was the sickness that came with being pregnant but it wasn’t that bad. James was so attentive, it was amazing. And when she felt the child move for the first time, it made her giddy for almost a week. She couldn’t wait for the day when she could show James and Severus the movements. It took another few weeks before the movements were strong enough for others to actually feel them.

When James did, he laughed with happiness. Severus in contrast, was in awe. He stared at his hand on her stomach, his eyes big and amazement on his face. He stayed like that for almost five minutes, and when he removed his hand from her, he was clearly reluctant to do so.

The waitress, who had been watching them every time they met, came over. She had figured out that they weren’t a couple and that they hadn’t broken up the day Lily had cried and she had been comforted with chocolate cake. The waitress hadn’t commented on their type of relationship but when she came over now, she was smiling brightly at Lily. “I guess this can only mean one thing.” She gestured to Lily’s stomach. “Congratulation! I hope you’ll have a pleasant pregnancy and I’m sure your child will be lovely!” She placed an extra plate with cookies on the table. “Since you have to eat for two now. It’s on the house.” Her eyes lingered on Severus for a second but she left without saying anything more.

They didn’t talk much that day. Severus was even quieter than usual but when he hugged her goodbye, he whispered: “I’m so happy for you.”

“Thank you.” Lily hugged him tighter before she let go and stepped back. With a smile, she left.

 

 

Lily’s stomach got bigger alarmingly fast. At least in her opinion. Sometimes she wondered how big she could get before she’d explode. Since she’d never heard of an incident like that she supposed she’d grow quite a lot, still.

And she was so hungry. She could always eat and especially the chocolate cake at the café was what she craved for every week. Severus smiled whenever she ordered two or three slices of the cake, sometimes taking one with home, sometimes eating them all at once.

It was nice to see him smiling, Lily thought. It was one of the reasons why she always made him touch her stomach when the baby was moving. He never asked her to touch and he never did it without asking, but he never hesitated when she told him he could. And he always smiled when he felt the movements. “It’s amazing. That there is a human being _inside_ of your stomach.”

Lily smiled back at him. “Yes, it is.”

On her way home Lily thought about Severus. Today he had told her that he’d do anything to protect her and the baby. He’d not mentioned James, but of course he hadn’t. And though she didn’t like it one bit that he wanted to protect her but not her husband, her love, she understood it. And she was grateful for what he actually had promised. Because it meant he’d even stand against the Dark Lord, though he had sworn his allegiance to the evil wizard. And he had included the baby in his protection, a baby that wasn’t his.

It made her feel safer, to know that she had someone who knew what the Dark Lord was up to and protect her from it. He’d tell her if she was in danger. But, there was a problem. Because he couldn’t get to her to warn her.

That night Lily decided to give Severus all her trust, without any boundaries. She made sure there would be a way for him to always reach her. She didn’t tell James. It made her sad that she couldn’t, but he’d never understand and he’d never let her do it.

She knew about the mirrors, knew that James and Sirius had found a way to use two mirrors to communicate with each other. No matter where the two mirrors were, two people could talk with each other when they both had one of the two. James had never told her, but she had seen him communicate with Sirius that way, once. They had both of the mirrors in their house now. Lily didn’t know why Sirius didn’t have his anymore, or maybe they had made a second set. Whatever it was, James had two mirrors who belonged together (Lily had tried it because she had been curious about it).

Since James was still gone, she rummaged through his things and took the mirrors. She’d give one to Severus and keep one to herself. That way they’d be always able to talk to each other. He would always be able to know where she was and therefore to warn her should something happen.

The mirrors were still there. She stared at them, thinking about what it would mean to give Severus one while keeping the other. He was a Death Eater. It could be so very dangerous for her and James. And for their unborn child. But then, it was Severus, not just some Death Eater. And she knew that as long as he lived, he’d do anything for her. She trusted him with everything she had.

And so, the next time they met, she gave him the mirror. “I have something for you.”

“For me? You mean, like a present?”

Lily smiled. “Yes, like a present. But it has to be a secret. Something only you and I know about.”

“You think I’d talk with anyone about you? Or about anything you’d give me? Meeting you, _knowing_ you, is a secret.”

With a nod, she placed the wrapped mirror in his palm. “Don’t open it now.” She leaned a little closer, dropping her voice, just in case. “It is something we can use to communicate with. You’ll always be able to know where I am. I don’t think it can be deactivated so, because I don’t want you to think I’ll spy on you, if you don’t want me to hear something, wrap it in enough cloth to block all sounds. I’ll always have mine with me, but I’ll have to hide it so James doesn’t know about it.”

“I’m very curious about what you found for us to communicate with.” He looked at the wrapped present for a moment before he tugged it away. “I know how much trust you put in me with giving me a means to track you. I’ll use it wisely. And I’d never think that you’d use it to spy on me.”

“I know. To both things you said.” Lily leaned back and took her fork to start eating. The chocolate cake smelled delicious. She felt good now that Severus had the second mirror. It felt right. He’d never betray her trust in him.

As he watched her eating, Severus shook his head. “I really don’t know how I was able to earn your unwavering trust in me. You amaze me.”

Her smile was bright, transferring all the warmth she felt at his statement onto her features.

They stayed a while longer before Lily headed home. As she stepped through the door, she was greeted by James. “Hey, where have you been?” He kissed her shortly.

“Oh, I was in this cute café not too far away. They have the best chocolate cake you can imagine.” Lily was glad she had practiced what to tell James should he ask her one day. And she was glad that she had practiced enough to sound believable. She hated lying, avoided it where she could, but when she had to, she was astonishingly good at it. Frighteningly good. And, well, it wasn’t a lie. She had been at the café and the chocolate cake was awesome.

She snuggled closer into his embrace. “Why are you already at home? Is everything all right?”

“Yes. Everything is fine. Well, as fine as it can be. I just wanted to see you.” He stroked over her stomach with one hand and kissed her on the top of her head. Lily relaxed. She hadn’t been sure if he would realize that she wasn’t telling him everything, but it seemed to be okay. “Be careful when you walk around alone. Even a muggle café is no safe place.”

“I know. I’m not naïve. I’ll be careful.”

And so Lily had lied to her husband now in addition to taking stuff from him without telling him. It was probably stealing. As they lay in bed together this night, she thought about it. What did it say about her that she kept her meetings with Severus a secret from him? Was she betraying him by doing so? James was already sleeping, one arm underneath her head and one hand on her stomach. She knew that she loved him but she also knew that he wouldn’t understand. He had always hated Severus and it would still be like that. He’d never trust him, now even less than ever.

But he was her friend and _she_ trusted him. She liked to spend time with him and she knew that she was safe with him. Well, she thought, if she wanted to stay friends with Severus and wanted to stay together with James, she didn’t have much choice.

With a sigh, she turned onto her side, her husband warm against her back. Nothing she could do about that. And so she did nothing about it.

The days went by like before. Severus and Lily kept meeting in the café. They didn’t use the mirrors, for several reasons. One surely being that James was often at home and Lily spent time with her husband then. Or they were somewhere together, so she didn’t have time to use it. But another probably was that she didn’t want to see or hear what Severus did as a Death Eater. She was, quite simple, afraid of what she might learn about him.

She knew that they worked, though, because Severus had confirmed it. He said he had been able to hear her as he had unwrapped the mirror. She hadn’t doubted it, James wouldn’t have kept them if they didn’t work.

Then, on one day, Severus told her something that concerned her unborn child. He had heard about a prophecy that had been spoken by a seer. And in this prophecy, there had been a boy mentioned, a boy who would one day wield the power to kill the Dark Lord. The only things that had been said about the boy had been when he, roughly, would be born. And this matched with the date Lily’s child would come. If it would be a boy, the child could be the one the prophecy referred to. And in that case, the Dark Lord would do anything in his might to kill it as soon as possible. While he was still too young to kill him.

Lily stared at Severus with wide eyes. She was gripped by fear as her hands cupped her stomach. As if she’d be able to protect the baby like that. “A prophecy about a child who’ll one day kill the Dark Lord?”

Severus nodded. There was concern in his eyes and after a moment’s hesitation he leaned forward, placing one of his hands over Lily’s. “I’m sorry to tell you something like that. But you have to know the danger you could all be in. The Dark Lord already knows about the prophecy and he’ll hear about all children that will be born in the time that matches the prophecy. Lily, you have to be even more careful now.”

Taking deep breaths, she took Severus hand, trying to calm down. No use in panicking now. “Thank you. For telling me.” A prophecy about his death. The Dark Lord would do anything to stop such a prophecy before it could be fulfilled.

“Lily.” As she looked at him, he held her eyes. His dark gaze was steady as he repeated the promise he’d made once before. “I’ll protect you. You and the child, whatever will happen. If this prophecy is about your son, I’ll do everything that is in my might to stop the Dark Lord.” His grip on her hand tightened. “I swear it to you.”

Slowly, as she looked into his eyes, the fear lessened. Calm settled over her with the knowledge that Severus was her friend, her ally. “Thank you.”

“You are welcome.”

 

 

Word of the prophecy spread like wildfire. And Lily and James Potter learned that their unborn child was indeed a boy. It was a shock for them and especially Lily was reeling from the danger her baby was already in, though he wasn’t even born yet. James tried to assure her that everything would be fine, but he was so actively looking for secure and secret places, talking to all their friends about escape plans and battle plans and stuff that she had no time to actually calm down.

The only moments she felt at peace were when she was with Severus. She knew that it affected him, too, the danger she was in, but he was imperturbable. Always. It helped Lily to get a grip on all her emotions and when she left the café, she felt better. More rational end centred.

The following weeks flew by in a rush. Lily got bigger every day and she felt slow and heavy. She thought that it was about time that the baby came. When it did happen, she felt surprised by it though she had been waiting. The birth was long and it _hurt_. Lily wondered briefly as she had time between contractions, why wizards hadn’t invented some spell to make this better. Easier. Maybe she should think about this. Later. Much later.

In the end she supposed it hadn’t been that bad. The little baby boy was lying in her arms and a tired but clearly happy James was looking at the child with wonder. Exhausted, Lily soon fell asleep, the baby tucked by her side.

She didn’t have to stay in the hospital for long and she was glad about it. She had felt extremely unsafe there, with all the unknown people running around. Back at home, she snuggled onto the couch with the baby. They had named the boy Harry and he was rather well behaved for such a small child. Eating and sleeping was all he did. Well, and pooping.

James made sure she had everything she might want before he left. He wanted to tell his friends about the baby but wanted to give Lily a few more days of quite before they came storming in to see them.

Lily dozed for a few minutes, content to be at home with her child, who was healthy and so cute. Then she got up and fetched the mirror. She’d had to put it farther away than she had liked because she hadn’t wanted James to find it. Now she could keep it closer again. And she could try to contact Severus, tell him that she and the baby were fine.

Looking into the mirror, she sat back down on the couch. With her free hand she stroked Harry’s feet and legs, just wanting to touch him.

The light in whatever room the mirror showed was dim but it wasn’t completely dark. There was a person sitting near the mirror and Lily thought it had to be Severus. She couldn’t be hundred percent sure because of the light, but she recognized his posture. He was looking at a book in front of him and the mirror had to be propped up on something near him. He was waiting for her to contact him. Had put the mirror there so he’d hear her should she call him.

“Severus!” Lily smiled as he turned his head. It was rather cute of him to wait for news from her that way.

“Lily!” He grabbed the mirror and brought it in front of his face. “How are you? How is the baby? Is everything okay? I know you went into labour but the sounds were too dull to understand anything. I’m so glad to see you.”

“Everything is fine, we’re okay. I’m sorry you were worried but I had to hide the mirror.” She could see the tension leaving Severus face even in the dim light of his room.

“I’m glad.” Then he frowned lightly. “Why are you alone? Shouldn’t someone be with you?”

“Oh come on, I can be alone for some time!” What did men think, that she was an invalid now? Besides, she was still a wizard, she could use her wand should she need anything. But she could forgive him, he had probably not had much experience with women getting babies. “Do you want to see the baby?” She wasn’t sure why she asked him that. She didn’t think he really cared for the child of her and James. She thought that even his promise to protect the baby was more for her sake than for the child’s.

For a moment, he didn’t answer. When he did, his voice was very quiet. Lily couldn’t decipher the emotions behind it. “Yes, I’d love to see your baby.”

Lily turned the mirror so it showed the sleeping boy. She could still see Severus and watched as his face showed almost the identical expression of wonder that James’ had had. She was sure that, if he’d been able to touch him, he’d have done it with the same care and amazement, too. “Meet my son, Harry Potter.”

Severus smiled, his eyes not leaving the boy. “Hello Harry.” The baby didn’t react the slightest, kept sleeping like the dead and Severus laughed softly. “He is very small.”

“He is a baby. And he was inside of my stomach!” She could have told him how not small he had felt during birth, but she didn’t really want to talk with Severus about the actual act of getting a child. She moved her hand until she could stick her finger into Harry’s tiny hand. It wasn’t easy because he had balled them into tight fists. “But yes, he is very small.” Lily liked when Severus laughed. He did it so seldom, was always so serious (which she couldn’t hold against him).

“I’m glad for you. And congratulations to a healthy son.”

“Thank you.” Lily turned the mirror back to her face. They talked for a few more minutes. Lily wanted to meet this week in the café as usual. Severus said she should rest and not come to the café with a few days old baby. She insisted. Said she’d be there no matter if Severus showed up or not. He was scowling when he grumbled something about obstinate and know-it-all women but he said he’d come.

 

 

The first time Severus held Harry, he was so nervous that Lily laughed a little at him. He sat in the chair and tried not to move, afraid to hurt the tiny boy in his arms. Since he just kept sleeping, Severus slowly relaxed and when Harry moved a bit and opened his eyes, he smiled down at him.

“He is cute. But he doesn’t look like you at all.”

“Of course he doesn’t look like me. He looks like a baby.” Lily had never thought that a baby looked like its parents. They were so different from an adult that she at least wasn’t able to see it.

“I suppose you are right.” Severus concentrated fully on Harry now. He had probably only waited for the boy to wake up before he inspected him. He took one of his fists and tried to pry it open, he stroked over his cheeks and then over his body, kneading his tiny feet a little as Harry moved them uncontrollably. Lily relaxed while she watched the two. She’d have to feed the boy in a few minutes, when he woke up he almost always was hungry, but for the moment he seemed to be content with the attention he got.

Severus was astonishingly good with Harry. Maybe it was because he was always calm and the baby picked that up. Whatever it was, Lily fully used it to her advantage. As soon as Severus was in the café, Harry was with him while she could sit back. She watched them, fascinated by the way Severus talked and played with the boy.

As he got older, the games changed. Harry was by now sitting on his legs, grabbing at whatever was lying on the table and trying to put it in his mouth. He was getting more mobile and Lily had started to stow everything away that he could reach from the floor. Severus was extremely patient as he held Harry. But he only saw him a few hours every week, everyone could probably be patient for that timespan. No matter the reason, Lily enjoyed those hours. She liked to watch Severus and Harry while she sipped tea. And she thought that he would be a great dad. It was something she’d never have thought before but the way he interacted with Harry was wonderful.

Lily was just glad that Harry couldn’t talk, yet. Because by now he knew where they were going once a week and he knew whom they’d meet at the café. She was sure that she couldn’t keep her seeing Severus a secret much longer. But maybe a little more.

It was about the time when Harry started to walk. Severus would give him a hand and go up and down through the café until the boy fell asleep on his feet. But one day as he entered the café a few minutes after Lily (Harry was already impatiently running up and down) his face was uncommonly grim. Before he told her anything she knew that he had bad news.

Severus greeted Harry as always, picking him up and hugging him. “Hallo little man. How are you doing?” Harry laughed and pulled at the long strands of Severus dark hair. He answered with some baby-sounds. “Hallo Lily.” The smile that had been on his face for the child vanished. He sat down, Harry on his lap. Lily had already ordered tea and had put some fruit on the table for Harry to eat.

The boy grabbed at the fruit immediately. “Severus, what’s wrong?” Lily didn’t want to wait, wanted to hear whatever had happened rather now than later. It couldn’t be too bad because otherwise Severus would’ve tried to contact her through the mirror. They almost never talked through it but Lily always had it with her.

“One of your friends is a traitor.”

Lily froze. “What?” She stared at Severus, willing him to say something different. That couldn’t be true, why would a friend of them be a traitor?

But his expression got even fiercer. “It has to be a close friend. I don’t know who it is and I don’t think I’ll be able to find it out, but someone who has detailed information about you is giving them to the Dark Lord. I’d suggest you look for a new place to stay, better hidden, and only tell one or two people where you are. The Dark Lord doesn’t yet know where you live but it won’t take him long to find you now. I don’t know if the traitor doesn’t know or if he’s just still holding some information back. If it’s the second, you have to move more quickly. If I hear anything, I’ll immediately contact you.”

“That can’t be true.” Lily buried her face in her hands, the words only whispered, her voice too shaky to speak any louder. A friend, a traitor. But who? She couldn’t think of anyone who would do such a thing. To betray a friend? Why? What did the Dark Lord promise someone to make him do such things? Might? Wealth? Were those things worth it? She would’ve liked to ask Severus if he was sure, but of course he was.

“I’m so sorry, Lil. I wish it weren’t so, but I’m afraid too many signs point to that conclusion.” Harry got agitated, not wanting to sit any longer. Lily couldn’t move, was still in some kind of shock but Severus put the boy down and kept an eye on him as he crawled through the café. The frown on his face lessened as he watched, he even smiled a little as the waitress leaned town and stroked over Harry’s head. And Lily made a decision. “If I should die, whatever the reason, and James, too, I want you to take care of Harry.”

Severus’ head whipped around so fast, his hair flew into his face. “You what?”

Lily nodded, completely certain with the sudden idea. “He likes you and you are good with him. Should something happen he’ll be in good hands with you.”

“But… I’m a Death Eater! I can’t take Harry! Besides, nothing will happen to you, I’ll make sure of that, I promised! Lily, stop talking like that, please!” There was fear in his eyes, not because of her suggesting he take Harry but because of her thinking she might die.

“Okay.” For long moments, neither of them said anything. Then Lily took a deep breath and pushed all the thoughts about a traitor and her death to the side. She wanted to enjoy the time she spent with Severus.

Today, when they hugged, he told her: “Lily, I won’t be able to live without you.”

She clung to him tighter. She knew how much he felt for her. But that was the reason he had to take Harry should something ever happen to her. “You will, for my son.” It would save him, to have someone else to look after.

He shuddered, burying his face in her hair. The words he spoke were a choked out whisper. “I will. For your son.” He didn’t look at her as she left, carrying Harry on her arms. She wasn’t sure why she had been so adamant about Severus looking for Harry because if the Dark Lord ever found them, he’d kill them all. There was no chance Harry could survive, but maybe he’d find them someday when their child wasn’t with them. Or whatever. One never knew and Lily felt better knowing that her best friend would look after her son.

The next problem would be to tell James that one of their friends was a traitor while she couldn’t tell him from where she had that information. It seemed Severus had thought about that problem for her, though. She was almost at their house, when James appeared by her side and pulled her into a smaller road, away from their home. “James? What’s wrong?”

“Someone informed the Dark Lord of where we live. There is a Death Eater lurking around.” He stopped and stared at Lily. “Are you okay? Did you meet any trouble? Did you see a Death Eater, maybe one following you or something?”

At first Lily felt a spark of fear. Had Severus not been fast enough to warn her? Was the Dark Lord already there? “No, there was no Death Eater. Where is the one you have seen?”

Sirius approached them. “He’s still over there. I watched him but he did nothing, except stare at the house.”

Lily gave Harry to James and walked with Sirius to where the Death Eater was. If it was only one, maybe they could get around him and into the house to at least pack a few things before they had to get to another place. As soon as she saw the wizard with the dark robes and the mask over his face, she knew that there was no reason to panic. At least not directly. Because Lily was absolutely sure that this was Severus. And she was sure he was here to make James think the Dark Lord knew of their hiding place. Maybe to make him realize there was a traitor among their friends on his own.

Though she was flooded by a wave of relief, Lily kept her face straight as she headed back to James. “What do we do?”

James’ look was grim. “We have to go to a different house. Hide even better. I have an idea how we can do this.” He cuddled Harry closer and the boy laughed, oblivious to everything that was happening around him. “There are a few things we have to get from the house but as long as only one Death Eater is here the Dark Lord is probably not sure we live here and wants to watch the house first. Sirius, Remus, Peter and I’ll get our stuff. But first we’ll get you and Harry away from here.” He turned to his friend. “Go and get the others. We’ll meet here again in half an hour.”

Sirius nodded and left.

James continued to hold Harry while he and Lily hurried down the road. They entered an abandoned house that had belonged to a wizard once and was still connected to the floo network. There were such houses through all England and they used them to get from one place to another without being noticed and without having to apparate or something.

They hid with some friends for a few days, just long enough for James to get what they needed most from their home. Lily was nervous the whole time and when James was gone one evening, she locked the door behind her and took the mirror out. “Severus?” She didn’t see anything, everything was black. And she didn’t hear anything either. But as long as her husband was gone, she could leave the mirror out and hope that Snape would look into his.

Lily played with Harry but left the door locked. She really didn’t want James to come in and see the mirror.

After about an hour, when nothing in the mirror had changed, she sighed. Severus was probably doing stuff for the Dark Lord. He couldn’t always be accessible for her.

But she wanted to see him, wanted to get some news about the Dark Lord and the traitor among them. Maybe Severus knew more by now. So later, when Harry was asleep and James was sitting with their friends, Lily looked into the mirror as she went to the bathroom. Lockable door, there.

“Severus?” This time she could see the room she already knew. It was even darker there than the last time, but Severus face appeared almost instantly.

“Hey Lily! Nice to see you. Are you all right?”

“I’m fine. Thank you.” Lily felt much better now that she had been able to contact Severus. James had by now come to the conclusion that there was a traitor among their friends and he was nonstop talking with Remus, Sirius and Peter. Those three were his closest friends and he decided nothing without them. They had discussed who it could be and what they should do next. Sometimes Lily sat with them and listened but she seldom said anything.

She thought of Severus and how much he could help them but since James would never trust him, telling about her friendship to him was no option.

Last night the four men had made a plan. They didn’t want to stay here any longer than they had to. Because the friends they were currently hiding at, they could be the traitors as well. James was slowly getting paranoid and Lily couldn’t fault him. Knowing that a friend was secretly a spy was making her twitchy and nervous, too.

“I’m fine. Considering the circumstances. James wants to get into another safe house and this time he wants to have a secret keeper. So only one person knows where we are. You’ll know, too, when you listen to us. We’ll make the arrangements tomorrow. Do you know who the traitor is?” If they knew that, they could choose their secret keeper better. But Severus shook his head.

“I’m sorry, but the Dark Lord doesn’t talk about it. And I really can’t ask him about something like that. He has only hinted about someone of you spilling information. Nothing I can even use to narrow it down to a few. I’m so sorry. But I think hiding with a secret keeper is a good idea. The chance of you using this one single person among your friends who is betraying you as secret keeper is probably rather small. Even the spy knowing who the secret keeper will be is relatively small.” He nodded. “It’s a good idea. I’ll listen in tomorrow so I know where to find you, should I have to.”

These words made Lily feel so much better. Severus really was their most valuable ally, even though James didn’t know it. To know that he’d help her, protect her, made her feel safe. “I’m in the bathroom, I don’t have more time before the others come looking for me.”

“That’s fine. When I hear something, I’ll let you know.” He hesitated for a moment. “Lil, be careful. Choose wisely. Your hiding place and your secret keeper. Take care. I’m nothing without you.”

“I will. Thank you so much. And be careful, too.” She touched her fingers briefly to the surface of the mirror, as if she could touch the man behind it. With a small smile, she tucked the mirror back into her pocket.

 

 

All seemed to go perfectly. James talked with his three friends one last time. They decided that Peter should be the secret keeper. Now only Sirius and Remus knew who it was. And only Peter would know where their new hiding place was. It would be magically protected, too, so no one except the secret keeper could find them there. Or no one who didn’t know exactly where they were and they could only get that information from the secret keeper.

Lily had Harry on her arm as she stood by James side. Their things were all around them, not much, just what they wanted to take most. The house they’d go to would have furniture, clothes and food and so on. They only took some personal items with them.

Lily didn’t like Peter that much, she didn’t even know much about him. But she trusted James with his decision. He knew what he was doing.

The mirror was in her pocket. She slipped her hand inside it to assure herself it was still there.

And then they were in a new house. It was nice, Lily thought. It wasn’t too small and it had all the furniture, including a bed for Harry. The boy was excited about the new place and kept crawling around, exploring everything. Lily smiled at him and packed what little things they had brought into the shelves and cupboards. James seemed to be nervous. He paced from one window to the other. Did he think it hadn’t worked? To hide with a secret keeper was the safest thing one could do. But though James was skittish somehow, Lily was completely relaxed. She had checked in with Severus a few minutes ago, when she had been to the toilet. He knew where they were, too.

Lily had felt a tiny flare of bad conscious as she had told him, but then she knew that it was the right thing to do. Because if he knew, he could warn them, should the need arise. And it made her feel safe even with James running around like a startled chicken.

They ate lunch and tucked Harry in for his midday sleep. Lily sat on the couch and began to read a book. There wasn’t much to do in this hiding place. They couldn’t leave and they couldn’t talk with their friends. They had to somehow entertain their selves. Until now they had been a little lax with their security, roaming as they had done though they had known the Dark Lord was looking for them. But now that the threat had become more real and imminent, there was no way they would ever endanger the safety of Harry.

It would be so boring to stay here all the time but since it was the life of their child, Lily would take boring over everything else at a moment’s notice.

The quiet didn’t last very long, though. They had known there was a traitor among their friends but neither of them would have ever thought about it being the shy Peter Pettigrew. They had had so many friends to choose the secret keeper from and they had really taken the one person who would sell them to the Dark Lord. It was just bad luck, Lily supposed.

Almost inaudible, Severus Snape appeared next to the couch Lily was sitting on. His gaze was wild as he turned to her. “Lily!”

She jumped up, the book clattering onto the ground. In an instant, she was swamped by fear. Because Severus would never appear here without a good reason.

James whirled around and drew his wand. He would have cast a spell at Severus, who was so fixed on Lily that he didn’t even realise in how much danger he was, but Lily stepped in front of him. She needed to hear what he had to tell them, so James hexing her friend wasn’t an option. “James, wait.” And without checking if her husband did so, she looked back at Severus. She didn’t have to ask him, he immediately spilled the information he had come to tell. “Your secret keeper. Pettigrew. He is the traitor. He told the Dark Lord. And He is already on his way here! You have to get out, immediately! He knows where you are and it will only take a minute at best for him to arrive here.”

“Lily, get out of my way. Are you crazy?” James was pointing his wand in her direction. He was clearly ready to attack.

“James, no. He’s my friend.”

“What are you talking about? He’s a Death Eater! We have to kill him!”

“He’s my friend! He is warning us to get away from here!”

Severus grabbed Lily’s shoulder. “Lil, you have to go. The Dark Lord will be here every moment now. Take Harry and go! You can trust the werewolf. Go to him.”

“Take your filthy hands off my wife!” James almost growled. Severus pulled his hand back. And Lily hesitated. If she left the room now, James would surely attack Severus. But if she didn’t get Harry and the Dark Lord came, it was over. “Lily, how can you say that? He’s loyal to the Dark Lord!” James didn’t understand. And Lily thought that she hadn’t thought this through enough. Because Severus could warn her all he wanted, if James didn’t trust the warning, it was for nought.

“No, he isn’t! Can’t you see that he’s warning us? That he’s trying to help us, to save us?” Lily got more desperate with every moment. She had to make James see reason, otherwise they would still stand in their living room, arguing, when the Dark Lord arrived.

But James only snarled at her. “I don’t think so. Accusing one of my friends of being a traitor. He probably wants us to get out of here so the Dark Lord can more easily get us. And why does he know where we are hiding?”

“I told him. So he could warn us because he’d know when the Dark Lord would come for us.”

James stared at her in shock. “You told him? Then you betrayed us.” He laughed, but it was a desperate sound. “You told a Death Eater where we are hiding. Good job, Lily. Just great. What did he tell you, that he loved you and that he’d always be there for you? That he’d rather die himself than let you die? Lily, anyone can say things like that. And because you were friends as children it is easy to see that you’d fall for something like that.” He shook his head. “That was a perfect move, Snape. To become close friends with Lily Potter. Your Master must be so proud of you.”

Lily frowned. And for a second, she doubted all she and Severus had shared. Had she erred in believing in him? Had he only told her all these things to get her to trust him? Was he the traitor?

“Potter.” Severus spat the name as if it was something vile. “I’m sure you’d love it if it were like that. But though you’ll never believe it, it’s not me who has betrayed you. And don’t think I wouldn’t enjoy seeing the Dark Lord kill you. I’d probably stand by his side and laugh at you. But since it would affect Lily, too, I try to help you here. I do love her, though I never told her. I’m not a manipulative bastard like that. And if you don’t move now, it’ll be too late. The Dark Lord won’t take forever to come here now that he knows where you are hiding. Can’t you for one second pull yourself together and think of your wife and son?”

Though the words were harsh, they seemed to make James come at least a little to his senses. He nodded slightly, though he didn’t take his wand down. Before anyone could say anything else, Lily went to get Harry. Before she left the room, she mouthed a ‘thank you’ at Severus and smiled. She wondered how she could have, even for only a second, doubted him. Of course she had known that he loved her. But hearing him say it, even if it hadn’t been directly to her, made her feel strangely happy. Their gazes held and for a moment, time seemed to stand still.

Just as she had left the room she heard a shout and a loud crash. She hurried back and what she saw then made her get angry. No, not angry, furious. It bubbled through her veins and her fingers itched to draw her wand and use it against her husband. Stupid Potter. The instant she had been gone, he had hexed Severus. He was lying behind the couch, had probably been thrown over it and against the wall. He didn’t move but Lily thought she could still see him breathing. At her expression, James only shrugged. “He’s a Death Eater. I don’t believe him. He deserved it.”

Lily wanted to go to Severus but then another crash made her whirl around. The door had burst open. It was too late. Fear and desperation swamped through Lily at the sight of the Dark Lord standing there. He had found them. They had taken too long to fight with each other to be able to get away in time. All Severus had done had been for nothing.

James raised his wand again, higher, pointing at the dark wizard. “Go to Harry.”

The Dark Lord laughed and tears sprang to Lily’s eyes. It was too late. They wouldn’t survive this. James wasn’t nearly strong enough to do any harm to the much stronger wizard and neither was she. And Severus was still knocked out behind the couch. Maybe it was good that way, maybe the Dark Lord wouldn’t see him and therefore wouldn’t kill him, too.

But since these were probably her last moments of being alive, she wanted to be with her son. Harry was awake and stared at her with wide eyes. Lily forced the tears away and smiled at the boy. “Everything is fine. I’m here.” She could see green light shine into the room and she knew what it meant. A sob stuck in her throat but she kept smiling at Harry until the Dark Lord stepped into the room. She faced him bravely, proudly, she was a Griffindor after all.

“Step away from the bed.” The Dark Lord’s voice was rough as he addressed Lily. “I only want the child. You don’t have to die.”

Lily almost laughed. Really? As if she’d let him kill Harry without trying everything in her might to stop him. Even if it was only standing between him and her son. Because she didn’t have her wand in her hand, and he had, and he would be so much faster in casting a spell than she’d be in taking her wand. She shook her head. “Never.”

“As you wish, then.”

The green light was blinding and afterwards came nothing.

Harry Potter started to cry but there was no one to comfort him.

 

 

Severus stirred. There was someone crying and he felt the need to wake up. Something wasn’t right but he couldn’t place the feeling. Where was he? What had he been doing? Why was he lying on the floor? He sat up and groaned. His whole body hurt. What had happened?

Whoever was crying continued, now louder. It was coming from another room and Severus tried to stand up. He groaned again because his legs wouldn’t listen. Didn’t matter, he’d crawl to the other room. He could see the doorway and it wasn’t too far away.

He was too focused on himself and on the pain in his limbs that he had almost reached the doorway before he saw the body lying across the room.

But as soon as he saw it, he remembered everything. The Dark Lord on his way, Lily leaving the room, Potter hexing him. It seemed they hadn’t been fast enough after that to get away because the body belonged to Potter. And he was most definitely dead.

“No.” The word was only a whisper but it was laced with dread. Because if Potter was dead… He couldn’t even think about it and when he crawled across the doorway to the next room, he was trembling, his whole body shaking with the force of it.

When he saw Lily lying on the floor, the whole world stopped turning, time frozen in the moment. Then he scrambled forwards as fast as he could though he already knew that he couldn’t do anything anymore. It was too late. Lily was dead. Tears streamed over his face as he cradled the lifeless woman in his arms. The love of his life. The only person that had mattered to him. And he’d never hear her voice again, her laughter. See her smiling at him, hugging him. Spending time with him, even when he was too drained to be much fun to be around. She had kept him going, had kept him alive through everything. Had kept him sane.

Severus couldn’t stop crying as he slowly rocked back and forth, stroking over her face, through her hair. Her skin was so cold under his fingers but he couldn’t stop touching her.

For a long time he sat like that before he registered that someone else was in the room. He looked up and Harry stared at him from out of his bed. His eyes were huge and shimmering with tears but he had stopped crying. It took a few moments for Severus to comprehend that the boy was alive. Confused, he looked around, but the Dark Lord wasn’t there. And when he thought about it, he kind of didn’t feel his presence. Not in the room, and not at all.

Though it pained him, Severus laid Lily back on the floor. When he tried to get up this time, his legs did what he wanted. It still hurt and he was a little wobbly, but he was able to walk to Harry’s bed. He stroked through his dark and messy hair and stopped as he saw something that hadn’t been there before. It was a scar. A scar in the shape of a lightning on the boy’s forehead.

Harry stretched his arms out to Severus and babbled something that kind of sounded like ‘evu’. The man took him out of his bed and hugged him. And then he remembered Lily’s words and what she had made him promise.

_“If I should die, whatever the reason, and James, too, I want you to take care of Harry.”_

_“Lily, I won’t be able to live without you.”_

_“You will, for my son.”_

_“I will. For your son.”_

He began to cry again, silently, and buried his face in Harry’s hair. The boy smelled like baby, and like Lily. And he knew why she had made him make a promise like that. Because he felt like dying right now but he had Harry in his arms and now he had a responsibility. He had to take care of the boy and since he had promised it he’d do everything in his might to make Harry happy.

With one last painful glance at Lily he left the room and stepped out of the house, Harry on his arm. He didn’t think it would be easy, neither the following days nor the next years. But Lily had made sure he had a reason to live. Some part of him hated her for it but another was grateful. He’d always love her and he’d love her son as if it was his.

**Author's Note:**

> Well, they are not really a couple here but since I don't write about Lily and James I choose the tags like that. And at least they are very close friends.


End file.
